Friday, May 30, 2008

Lost Thought of the Week

Sometimes good command decisions get compromised by bad emotional responses.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Monkey in the Pool Room

I can't believe, in a digital age such as ours, that the lyrics for R.L. Burside's Monkey in the Pool Room, from the album Acoustic Stories are virtually nowhere to be found on the internet. This is one of my all-time favorite stories (it has a monkey in it, how could it not be a great story?) It's a good one to tell the kids at bed time or around the camp fire. Here it is. Make sure to check out the spoken version from R.L. Burnside.

Once upon a time down in the jungles, located somewhere in the sticks,
The elephant ran a pool room down there, but the baboon, he was the slick.
Didn't nobody like the monkey 'cause he wore fine clothes,
And a '48 Cadillac was the car he drove (which, it was in '48, you know).

So early one morning that elephant opened up them pool room doors,
And up drove this monkey from the coconut grove.
The elephant looked out at him and snuggled up his nose;
He was hot with that monkey 'cuz he had on some fine clothes.
That monkey had on a zip-fly sport shirt and a one-button robe.
Had on a pair of two-tone suedes and an Adam hat.
Had on a Chesterfield topcoat with a belt in the back.

When he walked in the front and started jivin' out the back,
That's when the baboon jumped up and grabbed him right square in the back.
The monkey said, "Look out man, get your hands off me!
I was only goin' outdoors to take a pee."
So he went outdoors and he peed and he came back.
He walked back in the building and said,
"Now I know all you fellas in here think I'm a fool,
But I'll play anybody in here a game of pool.
So that's what the baboon wanted to hear you know.

So they racked the balls and they racked 'em quick,
And the monkey reached in the rack and grabbed himself a stick.
The baboon was over there at the wall gettin' him a little dust,
And the first thing the monkey did is beat the fella to the bust.
The crack of the ball sounded like a .45,
And that brought scaldin' water from that baboon's eyes.
Now on the break, this monkey made the 1, 2 and 3.
Then he winked his eye at the house man and said, "Watch the game, I got to go pee."

So when he went outdoors that time,
That's when the elephant looked at the baboon with them hustler's eyes
And let him know then, there was no money in the game he could afford to let slide.
And I think it's 6 pockets on a pool table, is that right?
I know the monkey ran the 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9
All in different pockets at the same damn time.
Now the 13 was the perfect setup,
But see, the monkey, he knew not to fail,
He said, "I'm gonna bank that one with a 3-cushion rail."
Shot the 14 up the color and the 15 down the side,
Stomped his stick and winked both his eyes.

That's when that baboon jumped up and said, "God almighty damn!"
He said, "You know why I'm hot?
That monkey's out, and I ain't even had a shot!".
The monkey said, "You been runnin' around here with your nose all snotty;
If you didn't know what you was doin', you shoulda been askin' somebody.
You coulda asked your Uncle Zeke, they live right across the creek.
I cooned him once for a solid week.
I got a pair of deuces and switched out on jacks and queens.
That was the awefulest switch your Uncle Zeke had ever seen."

That was a pool-shootin' fella.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

I rock a lawsuit when I'm going to court, a white suit when I'm getting divorced, a black suit at the funeral home and my birthday suit when I'm home alone.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

<mattress>Do not remove, under penalty of law</mattress>

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

"What's the soup de jour?"
"It's the soup of the day."
"Mmmm...that sounds good...I'll have that."

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Stumping for the Kid

Benjamin's decided that he wants to be a writer. I must say, he's pretty good. He still needs some polish, but some of the stuff that comes out of him is very creative. I've posted a couple of his writings here, but decided he'd be better served by having his own blog. Please bookmark it and check it often to see what's coming from his mind: Ben's Prose

Random Thought of the Day

I wonder what it's like to be the head honcho. I'd shout out an order, "I think we're out of this man, get me some! Boy, don't make me want to change my tone!"

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Yes, I know, the title of this post is a little dramatic. OK, pathetic. I've heard that some of you think I'm in Alabama learning to fly helicopters for the Army. Well, that was the plan, but the Idaho National Guard had other ideas--they wouldn't approve my age waiver. So my quest is officially over. My enlistment is done in January '09, and I'll serve out my time and move on. I knew going into it that my chances of being accepted to flight school were extraordinarily slim, but it was worth it to me to give it one last try. And I did take some private flight lessons, so at least I can say that I've flown a helicopter, and I can be at peace knowing that I gave it my best shot. Hmmm. Somehow the satisfaction which that statement is supposed to provide is escaping me at the moment.

Genius of the Day: The Mighty Beatnik

By the powers vested in me, I hereby officially decree Beatnik as the Genius of the Day, for being the first person to correctly translate my Engrish text message. We all know that, as iron sharpens iron, Beatnik has only gotten smarter as he's hung around me, which explains his amazing powers of translation.

Random Thought of the Day

We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little for so long, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lost Thought of the Week

Destiny, John, is a fickle bitch.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lost Thought of the Week

Jesus Christ is not a weapon. Now enjoy your party.

Silver by Benjamin

Silver is...
A new pointy screw,
The clouds on a rainy day,
My mom's fast car,
And a shiny beautiful piece of crome.

Silver is...
A smooth point of a crayon,
A hard cold piece of metal,
A strong stool leg,
And a scratchy, rough rock.

That's what silver is to me!


After Julie gave Ben a taste of her beer the other day, he asked, "Mom, when I grow up, can I write books about dogs and be a beer tester too?"

Engrish Text Messaging

The word-complete feature on my cell phone doesn't always work as I think it will, and I'm usually in too big of a hurry to notice. Here's some classic Engrish I sent to Julie the other day:

You want of to try to cool some steals, or go to texas?

The first person to figure out what I actually meant to send, and posts it in a comment gets their name mentioned as Jeff's Genius of the Day.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

I'm going to actually start posting some of the random thoughts that go through my head, as my blog title suggests (what a concept). You're likely to find my favorite movie lines, lyrics and odd quotes from comedians, grandpa or elsewhere. I've been setting the Note on Office Communicator to a different thought every day for a couple
of weeks. I'll post a few to catch up and then hopefully keep up here every day.

I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place...

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position, such a heavy burden now to be The One--born to bear and read to all the details of our ending, to write it down for all the world to see...but I forgot my pen. Typical

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Everything Zen. I don't think so.

The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

I said it too many times, and I still stand firm: you get what you put in, and people get what they deserve. Still, I ain't seen mine; I've been giving, just ain't been getting, I've been walking down that line. So I think I'll keep on walking with my head held high. I'll keep moving on, if only God knows why.

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.

The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

If we had some ham, we'd have ham and eggs. If we had some eggs. - This one came from dear old Dad. When we were kids, he would alway pop it off whenever we would whine, "If only blah blah blah..." Back then I just looked at him sideways. If only I would have recognized the simple genius of it back then.

Train don't run outta Wichita. Unlessin' you're a hog or a cattle. People train runs outta Stubbville.