Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

I practice my forgettin' 'til it works.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

"That's only a celophysis, it's omnivorous."

"I don't much care where it goes to church, it sure has got some bad manners."

Monday, December 29, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

You talk about the world like it's some place that you've been.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Engrish Instructions

Here's some good Engrish from the instructions for some remote controlled cars the boys got from Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas:

Refresh the indicator become green, mean that climbing a wall a car start fresh. After battery be full of, refresh the indicator will put out.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Ramahanuquanzmas

Or for the non-politically correct, Merry Christmas! We had a great day. The boys woke us up a little before 7:00 this morning. We opened presents, drank coffee, and then Dad made biscuits & gravy and eggs for breakfast. Todd, Becca and Maddi came out later. Todd and I took Maddi to meet her mom, and we spent the next couple of hours getting Julie's present (a new couch) out of our storage unit and upstairs. Julie made potato soup and we grazed on just about every imaginable kind of food all day. It's been a nice lazy day, the best Christmas ever. Hope everyone's was as good as ours.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

I got out of bed for this?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

87847063, Better Known As 01010111010101000100011000111111

Why is it that web site designers can't figure out that credit card expiration dates don't include month names or 4-digit years? You go to make a purchase, you enter your information, you get to the expiration date...it lists January, February, March, etc. THE ****ING CARD USES NUMBERS, YOU ASS RABBITS. NOT JUST MY CARD, BUT EVERY SINGLE CREDIT CARD EVER MADE IN THE HISTORY OF CREDIT CARD HISTORY. They don't have September, Sept, Sept-1 or even 1(Sept). It's a number, 01 through 12, end of story. Same goes for the year. The card says "Valid through 09/11". That means when I see boxes to enter the expiration date, the first box should contain selections 01 through 12 and nothing else. And the second box should contain selections [current year] through [ I don't care how far forward you want to go, just make it a 2-digit year--do you really need to put 2011? If you just put 11 like they do on the card, might we confuse it with 2111 or 2211? No, we won't. We're not you.] and nothing else.

I'm surprised they don't make you enter your name by the numeric placement of the letters in your name. In order to match the expiration date stupidity quotient, instead of Jeff, they should make me enter 10566. Or better yet, require that I enter the ASCII values of all letters and numbers. Ah hell, just make it binary.

Happy shopping,
Jeff
  aka 74101102102
  aka 01001010011001010110011001100110

Make Your Own Ringtones For iPhone

If you want anything other than the vanilla ringtones that ship with the iPhone, Apple tries to make you buy them from them. Yeah right. I thought about jailbreaking my iPhone, but for ringtones there are much less drastic measures. I found some detailed instructions on how to turn your own music into ringtones. There are a couple of caveats: 1)you can't use music that is DRM-protected; 2)the resulting ringtones can be no longer than 30 seconds. I found that out the hard way, after wearing a hole in the wall with my head for waaaaay too long. The instructions tell you how to extract only part of songs, but they failed to mention that there is a 30-second maximum.

Random Thought of the Day

Different, maybe not the same.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Mmmm…this is what I imagine angels taste like.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Rainy Day Songs

As a kid, I remember riding in the back seat of the car when it was raining. We were usually driving from Mud Lake to Idaho Falls. Nobody would be talking. I would get heavy-eyed leaning against the window; mesmerized by the gray distance, the whoosh of tires turning on wet pavement and the songs on the radio playing in the background of my empty thoughts.

Here's a list of my rainy day songs. I chose them not because I remember hearing them on such trips, but because every time I hear them they make me think of those times. I have a Grooveshark playlist so you can give a listen.

Treasures In Heaven by Burlap to Cashmere
Black Balloon by The Goo Goo Dolls
Bitter Sweet Symphony by the Verve
Levon by Elton John
California Dreamin' by The Mamas And The Papas
Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
Gravedigger by Dave Matthews Band
For All We Know by Further Seems Forever
Stand Up by Every Day Sunday
Secret by Maroon Five
Rocket Man by Elton John
When The Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin
Champagne Supernova by Oasis
Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
Where Are You Going by Dave Matthews
Already Gone by Further Seems Forever
Dreams by The Cranberries
Walkin In Memphis by Marc Cohn
Name by the Goo Goo Dolls
She Will Be Loved by Maroon Five
You Are The Everything by R.E.M.
Wasting My Time by Default
Everything by Stereo Fuse
Free Fallin' by Tom Petty

Friday, December 19, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Liar, lawyer, mirror show me what's the difference. Kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Firefox Clears Cookies Unexpectedly

I was having a problem with Firefox. Whenever I would close Firefox, it would clear the cookies, even though I made sure the "Always clear my private data when I close Firefox" option was unselected. It was very annoying, because I had to keep manually logging into sites I want to automatically log into when I open Firefox. It turns out, I had a corrupt cookie storage file. I renamed the cookie file as per Quarantine's reply here, and all is well. If you're having this problem, this is the likely fix.

Random Thought of the Day

Grab yourself a can of pork soda, you'll be feeling just fine.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Check Out the Oddities

I found a new favorite site today: Oddee, A Blog of Oddities of Our World. I put it in my favorite links, so check it often.

Random Thought of the Day

If I was a bulb, I'd be the harshest, most juice-sucking electric tool you've ever seen.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

You're right, I get it. It all makes sense, you're the perfect person.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Blink, Damnit!

OK, so we all know eye contact is a good thing when talking to someone, right? NEWS FLASH: when you're in a conversation, and you give the constant, unflinching, unending stare-down, it's just creepy. We know you've read How To Win Friends and Influence People, we get it. You don't have to prove to us that you're not afraid to make eye contact. You look like a snake (which, consequently, I've found is quite fitting more often than not). Looking people in the eye in a natural, normal way as though you're a natural, normal human being will do just fine. Otherwise, you just make us wonder what the hell you're hiding behind that Sauron gaze that forces you to try to convince us how comfortable you are with yourself. Either that, or you're trying to tell me you want to have sex with me. If that's not the vibe you're going for, knock it off. And if you're a guy knock it off regardless, especially if that is the vibe you're going for.

Random Thought of the Day

Oh, you'll smoke a turd in hell for that!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

You're lucky I can't breathe, or I'd walk all up and down your ass.

Dick Pants Gets It Wrong Again (How Surprising)

We were promised snow last night by all the local weathermen. Seeing that there are two types of forecasters (those who don't know and those who don't know they don't know) it came as no surprise that we got a little rain but no snow. My favorite local chump is Rick Lantz, to whom I gave the more fitting name of Dick Pants. You'd think with his fancy, handy dandy, technologicationated Storm Tracker 7,000,000 (or whatever he's calling it these days), he could be correct every now and again. Scott Dorkval is no better. Guess I'll be better served by using my weather rock. Hang on...the rock is white, looks like snow. Finally. See how easy that was? Good thing I didn't shell out the money to get a degree in being wrong.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

I'm glad I didn't get chewed in half at an embarrassing moment.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

You believe me don't you? Please believe what I just said. See, they're telling true and this wasn't all in my head.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm Surrounded by Imbeciles

After nobody was able to figure out the Amphicat logo, I was pretty sure my friends must be a bunch of rubes. Since posting the Land of the Lost contest, I'm now certain of it. Not a single guess. Not even someone worthy of Almost-Non-Moron of the Day. Well, here are the answers.


  1. What is the name of the Sleestak ancestor who knows how to control the time portal, and what species is he? Enik was an Altrusian. As an aside, the writers originally named him Eneg ("Gene" backwards) in homage to Gene Roddenberry, but the producers thought that was a bit over the top and changed the name.

  2. Which dude in the Sleestak suit went on to play in the NBA? Detroid Pistons center Bill Laimbeer

  3. What species was Chaka? Chaka was a Paku

  4. What did Rick, Will and Holly call the giant stick they used to fend off the T-Rex? The fly swatter

  5. What was the name of the dinosaur that protected the Lost City and the Sleestak eggs? Alice (the allosaurus)

  6. Trump Card(correct answer automatically wins the whole show): In the 1st season episode named The Hole, what special effects anomoly occurred? (OK, you have several to choose from, but this one really sticks out.) When Marshall is thrown into the Sleestak god's pit, he hits the safety net and bounces back up through the smoke-covered opening.

I thought about trying another LOTL contest, but apparently nobody is versed in the finer things of the 1970's. So I'm going to have to go all Clark W. Griswold on you. New Genius of The Day Contest: I'm thinking of a whole number between 1 and 10. Guess what it is.

Random Thought of the Day

Does anything ever sound like a bad idea to you?

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Shave your face with some mace in the dark. Savin' all your food stamps but burnin' down the trailer park.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Nice Job There, ColdMilliVanillaIcePlay

What a bunch of choads. Coldplay's song, Viva La Vida is up for a Grammy this year. Problem is, they didn't write the song. They ripped it off from guitar virtuoso Joe Satriani. It's not similar--it is the exact same tune as If I Could Fly. Imagine Joe's surprise when he finds out someone else is getting credit for his song. He's suing. He will win. This is nothing new for Coldplay. Their song Yellow conveniently borrows riffs from Radiohead's This Is The Place. Hey Chris Martin (Coldplay's singer): everyone knows that when you try coming up with your own crap, you step all over your dick. You can't even name a damn kid without an epic fail. Apple? Really? Couldn't you have applied at least some of the plagiaristic genius you use on your songs and ripped off a human name? Jackass. I haven't seen such blatant plagiarism since Led Zeppelin pretended they, rather than Willie Dixon, wrote Bring It On Home.

You be the judge. Here's a mashup of the Satriani and Coldpay songs being played on top of each other. If you're not familiar with either song and you can't tell which is which...EXACTLY:

Random Thought of the Day

I'm a donkey on the edge!

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

It always rains like hell on the Loser's Day parade.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Who's that casting devious stares in my direction?

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Nice Try, But You're Not Fooling Me

Today something happened that made me question the universe as I know it. I am no longer certain that we can have any confidence in the things we see, afraid that they may merely be a reverse-engineered quasi-reality.

I was sitting in my rat cube trying to decipher education-level codes from our database. OK, so both "1" and "01" mean "2", which means "First Grade". Got it. So does "12" mean "12" which means "GED", and "13" mean "14" which means "High School Diploma"? Or do both "12" and "13" mean "13" which means either "GED" or "High School Diploma"? And what about "14" which means "15"--why does "15" not mean anything?? I haven't even made it to "Associates Degree", "3 Years, No Degree" or "4 Years No Degree" and I already feel like my brains are oozing onto the floor. It really is as stimulating as it sounds.

Since Isaac borrowed my iPod last night, and I forgot to grab it off his side table this morning, I was listening to my Goo Goo Dolls station on Pandora as I was trying to determine whether it was humanly possible to come up with more ways to define a Bachelor's degree. Suddenly, a Blues Traveler song that I haven't heard in a while came on, and I switched over to the Pandora window to give the song a rating. Funny, Pandora made a mistake--the first one I've ever seen it make. It listed the song All For You as being sung by Sister Hazel rather than Blues Traveler. They had the right song, but the wrong artist and album. Hmm. Was Sister Hazel one of John Popper's side bands? I clicked on the link to the band's bio. There's no mention of Blues Traveler or John Popper. I quickly hit Youtube and did a search for the song. Up comes a Sister Hazel video. This can't be right. I fired off an instant message to Beatnick and ask him what's wrong with this picture. He says, "Oh yeah, great song. Sister Hazel was on the Rick Dees show and did a great acapella version."

How could Pandora, Youtube and the Mighty Beatnick all be wrong? I know that is Blues Traveler singing that song, and I've known it since 1997. Until about 10 minutes ago, if you would have told me it wasn't Blues Traveler, I would have said I'd chop off my testicles with an axe handle right here and now if that's not Blues Traveler. It was at that point that I finally figured out what was happening.

Some cosmic puppeteer has altered the past for everyone except me, and now everyone thinks it's a Sister Hazel song. And he's changed the physical evidence to match everyone's altered memories. Except Geppetto forgot a couple of crucial minor details. That acapella version of Beatnick's? Magically, he couldn't seem to find it. It's obvious that the acapella Blues Traveler song from Rick Dees' show was deleted from history, and the evil engineer got side-tracked and forgot to add back the Sister Hazel version. He also got tripped up and didn't hack Julie's memories either--she knows it's Blues Traveler as well.

What does all this mean? It means I'm going to be infinitely cautious about any wagers I make from here on out, because it's quite clear that someone will go to any length to try to make me lose my testicles.

Random Thought of the Day

I'm off to get my supplies: cornmeal, gunpowder, ham hocks and guitar strings.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Let's go to the beach tonight with a bottle of wine.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Genius of the Day Contest

OK, this one has to use the honor system. No Googling or in any way searching for the answers--you either know them or you don't. Don't sacrifice your integrity for the sake of the prize (though I know how coveted it is). Whoever can correctly answer the most questions about Land of the Lost will be be crowned Genius of the Day.


  1. What is the name of the Sleestak ancestor who knows how to control the time portal, and what species is he?

  2. Which dude in the Sleestak suit went on to play in the NBA?

  3. What species was Chaka?

  4. What did Rick, Will and Holly call the giant stick they used to fend off the T-Rex?

  5. What was the name of the dinosaur that protected the Lost City and the Sleestak eggs?

  6. Trump Card(correct answer automatically wins the whole show): In the 1st season episode named The Hole, what special effects anomoly occurred? (OK, you have several to choose from, but this one really sticks out.)

And in case you're thinking the same thing as one of the guys I work with--"The fact that you have even the remotest knowledge of any of this makes me wonder if you have ever been with a woman"--you'll have to take that up with Julie.

Random Thought of the Day

I guess Grumpy's getting tired of eating oversized toothpicks.

Random Thought of the Day

And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be.