Thursday, December 04, 2008

Nice Try, But You're Not Fooling Me

Today something happened that made me question the universe as I know it. I am no longer certain that we can have any confidence in the things we see, afraid that they may merely be a reverse-engineered quasi-reality.

I was sitting in my rat cube trying to decipher education-level codes from our database. OK, so both "1" and "01" mean "2", which means "First Grade". Got it. So does "12" mean "12" which means "GED", and "13" mean "14" which means "High School Diploma"? Or do both "12" and "13" mean "13" which means either "GED" or "High School Diploma"? And what about "14" which means "15"--why does "15" not mean anything?? I haven't even made it to "Associates Degree", "3 Years, No Degree" or "4 Years No Degree" and I already feel like my brains are oozing onto the floor. It really is as stimulating as it sounds.

Since Isaac borrowed my iPod last night, and I forgot to grab it off his side table this morning, I was listening to my Goo Goo Dolls station on Pandora as I was trying to determine whether it was humanly possible to come up with more ways to define a Bachelor's degree. Suddenly, a Blues Traveler song that I haven't heard in a while came on, and I switched over to the Pandora window to give the song a rating. Funny, Pandora made a mistake--the first one I've ever seen it make. It listed the song All For You as being sung by Sister Hazel rather than Blues Traveler. They had the right song, but the wrong artist and album. Hmm. Was Sister Hazel one of John Popper's side bands? I clicked on the link to the band's bio. There's no mention of Blues Traveler or John Popper. I quickly hit Youtube and did a search for the song. Up comes a Sister Hazel video. This can't be right. I fired off an instant message to Beatnick and ask him what's wrong with this picture. He says, "Oh yeah, great song. Sister Hazel was on the Rick Dees show and did a great acapella version."

How could Pandora, Youtube and the Mighty Beatnick all be wrong? I know that is Blues Traveler singing that song, and I've known it since 1997. Until about 10 minutes ago, if you would have told me it wasn't Blues Traveler, I would have said I'd chop off my testicles with an axe handle right here and now if that's not Blues Traveler. It was at that point that I finally figured out what was happening.

Some cosmic puppeteer has altered the past for everyone except me, and now everyone thinks it's a Sister Hazel song. And he's changed the physical evidence to match everyone's altered memories. Except Geppetto forgot a couple of crucial minor details. That acapella version of Beatnick's? Magically, he couldn't seem to find it. It's obvious that the acapella Blues Traveler song from Rick Dees' show was deleted from history, and the evil engineer got side-tracked and forgot to add back the Sister Hazel version. He also got tripped up and didn't hack Julie's memories either--she knows it's Blues Traveler as well.

What does all this mean? It means I'm going to be infinitely cautious about any wagers I make from here on out, because it's quite clear that someone will go to any length to try to make me lose my testicles.


Beatnik said...

I am still searching my CDs of kick ass music and will find that version. I will I tell ya.

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