Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You'd Think These Stupid Things Were Made By Apple

A couple of months ago, I got a smokin' deal on an upconverting DVD player/recorder from woot. I was especially hopped up on goofballs about it because, since we got rid of DishNetwork (and consequently our DVR), I was afraid we'd have to actually sit through commercials when Lost starts back up. Did I immediately set it up to record? No. Me being the me that I am, I waited until the night before the season premier to get the recording in order. Really, how hard should it be? It's already hooked up to output to the TV in our bedroom--all I should have to do is run an output from the TV back to the input on the DVD player. But then I realized I had a lapse in judgment by forgetting that I am me.

It started out easy enough. Grab the cables, loosen the TV's wall mount so I could get to the outputs. Funny, I can't see any video output. There's the audio output. Since I can't completely see the back of the TV, I'll go grab my manual to see where the video output is. Even funnier, the manual for my TV isn't in the drawer where I put every single owner's manual I have. No problem, that's what the internet is for. The PDF I found doesn't show any video outputs, although I do see the two audio outputs.

All is not Lost just yet. I'll just swap it with the DVD player upstairs, surely the TV up there has an output. The hilarity continues when I find (after making a visual check, finding that the manual for that TV is also missing and looking up the PDF manual for it as well) that it also has no video output.

Being the ingenious bloke that I am, I remember that I have an RF converter--you know one of those things that you use to plug an old-style cable into so you can hook it up to a TV that only has component inputs. I'll just hook into the antenna signal with a splitter, plug it into the converter and then output that signal to the DVD recorder. And now for the punchline--the RF converter doesn't work. So now we'll have to endure an hour-and-a-half of commercials in order to see 30 minutes of Lost.

Did I really buy the only two HDTVs in existence with no video output? What are the chances of that? Oh, that's right...I'M ME, of course I did. Who the hell makes a TV with no video output? If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were made by those masters of leaving out basic features, Apple (can you say no MMS or cut/paste on the iPhone?). Just as I was typing this paragraph, I got a notification that my friend Steve left a comment on my Facebook page: "Have you ever seen *any* TV with a video out?". You may think you've never seen one, but I know I have. This is strangely reminiscent of whole Blues Traveler/Sister Hazel debacle. Time to go find my tinfoil hat. I'm pretty sure it's getting drunk and picking up chicks along with my two TV owner's manuals.

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