Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Honey, Did You Pack the Brimstone?


- noun

  1. a hill near Jerusalem where Jesus was crucified.

  2. a place of suffering or sacrifice.

  3. a place of burial.

  4. literally, skull

Fun Park

- noun

  1. ummm...a park where you have fun.

I wish I could make this stuff up. I couldn't come up with Golgotha Fun Park even if I dropped a hit of acid and read the Bible upside-down while watching a David Lynch movie in a jock strap.

This is (or was) an acutal "Biblical Golf" attraction in Cave City, Kentucky. I can't imagine why in the world it closed down. I mean, who wouldn't want to pack up the kids on a lazy Saturday afternoon for a rousing round of suffering and sacrifice? Wait a minute...isn't that what Sundays are for? I digress.

I would really like to see what kind of people would not only come up with this idea, but then have the presence of mind to think it was a good, solid one. Let's not even talk about the people who would actually take the time to go there (other than to take pictures of the sign to prove that a new level of choadness has been birthed).

I mean, really, can you just imagine the conversation: "Hey Cletus, pack up the yung-uns, we's a-gonna go to that there hellfire park. If'n ya hit that platic Jesus with yer balls again, you's a-gonna git struck by ligtnin'."

I was going to put this in the same category as the "Haunted Hell" houses at Halloween or the "Let's write Jesus Loves You on the sidewalk so we can make a difference" kind of thing. Can't do it. This thing just defined it's own category. Of all the things I've ever seen that make Christians look crazier than shithouse rats, this one takes the cake. Those Kentuckians might want to consider not using moonshine for communion.


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